Sober January is a disaster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
