I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
