Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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