dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
