So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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