he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
