just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
