i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is Oprah even human
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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