After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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