We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
