Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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