If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
