I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Small penises have feelings too.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
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