Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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