let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
