I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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