i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize