My hand turned me down
where am i from again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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