my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
