when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize