once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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