yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
