roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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