WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You've changed since you got that strap on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize