I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
