I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
