READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just found a bag of teeth...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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