we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
