soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize