i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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