she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize