I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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