PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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