I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
