You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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