I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize