is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
