I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am puke
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
