You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
