I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
