If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize