I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
