he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
