So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
