A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
