I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
