I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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