Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
