I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
