Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
