Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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