didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
