Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
