hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
