my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
