good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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