My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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