If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
