I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
