To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
