Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just blew my weed a kiss
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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