So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize