Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
