sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
