I wish I only lived at night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize