Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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