it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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