No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
