I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
